


The Choices We Are Made Of

by Ju_StADreamer



Series: The Ties That Bind [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger friendship, Eventual Romance, F/M, Happy Ending, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Retelling, WIP, a few reliable adults, begins with the first war, but it moves on fast
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:49:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21908482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ju_StADreamer/pseuds/Ju_StADreamer
Summary: The Dark Mark is more restricting than the Light wizards could ever imagine. This time, Severus Snape can't go to Dumbledore, nor can he personally pass information to the Order. To save the woman he loves, he makes a choice that will change the futures of all of them.Narcissa Malfoy has her own agenda, but she will do everything on her power to save her family and avoid the darkness that is coming. Even if it means betraying the master that keeps a tight leash on her husband's life.The marauders know they have been betrayed. Dumbledore is not what he seems.This time, when the Halloween of 1981 arrives, all the cards will be on the table.And nothing will ever be the same._____N/A: this was supposed to be only a one-shot/prologue-like chapter, but things went a bit out of control. This is my pic on a few moments of the first Wizarding War – with a bit of a twist to it.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Lucius Malfoy/Narcissa Black Malfoy
Series: The Ties That Bind [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1578070
Kudos: 8





	1. Severus Snape

Severus Snape

_October, 1980._

Severus Snape knew something was wrong when he gave his first step into that dark, chilly room.

All around him, the other Death Eaters held stoic expressions, their face unreadable as they faced the Dark Lord sat at his huge throne-like chair in the middle of the old, empty manor room.

The Gaunt’s had long ago been destituted of anything but their name - and even that had been in peril for the last couple of years since the bloodline had apparently been mixed with muggle blood. Not many people knew that, of course, as it was not widely known that the one man behind the revolution in the brink of freeing their world of mudblood was, in fact, a half-blood. A denied, dirty heir to one Ancient and Noble House in the brink of extinction.

A man just like Severus himself.

That was only known to his inner circle and those that still remembered the young, intelligent kid that once arrived at Hogwarts so many years before, desperate for knowledge and attention as his magic grew stronger and more out of control.

For many, Tom Riddle was but a name on a small, forgotten award on the trophy room at the ancient school.

For Severus, he was a warning about the dangers of family magic being left unbound, mainly one as old and unstable as the Gaunt’s.

After accepting the position to teach potions at Hogwarts, Snape had begun to consider in a more indepth way the story of his house – and his lord – and whether there was any bit of truth about Moaning Myrtle's tragic accident many years back.

For some reason, though, he always went back to reading over the few registers and myths surrounding the evasive Salazar Slytherin. It hadn't taken much for him to begin questioning the Founder's sanity at his older years – but his fears had only been confirmed as he watched the man’s last heir rise to power.

As it was, Snape could almost picture Salazar when Hogwarts was founded. A brilliant, ambitious youth with a silver tong and a personality only matched by his partner and counterpart, Godric Gryffindor himself. Unfortunately, he was just as able to picture how the men would’ve slowly descended into madness and obsession, his magic eating away at his mind.

It was probably at that moment the legends about the Chamber of Secrets and the avenging monster it held had begun to circulate.

The sudden hiss of the snake brought him back to the present with a start, his eyes darting to the long, mortal reptile rastejando almost affectionately around her master’s head.

It was a disturbing, frightening sight.

“Severus” Voldemort whispered, his features hidden by the low, dark hood of his cape “I see you have finally decided to join us...” the man spoke slowly, his words low as his voice assumed that husky, harmless quality that always managed to chill him to the bone.

Trying to stifle the tremble to his own voice, Snape took a firm step forward, avoiding eye contact with the higher Death Eaters surrounding him with snears and disgusted grunts as he slowly bowed in respect.

"My Lord, I apologize for taking so long" he addressed the man in his most deferential tone, waiting for a pale, bony hand to gesture at his general direction with the long, dark wand before straightening his stand and continuing "Albus Dumbledore has been keeping a closer watch on me. Since the last battle with the Order, he doesn't seem quite so sure about my goodwill any longer."

Just as he expected, the men seemed to only nod, his stance relaxed against the snake as the wand slightly wavered between his fingers.

It always fascinated Snape how he could alway look so composed, so calm, and yet make the air crack and freeze around him.

Even if no-one could see his eyes under the hood, there was no mistaking the madness radiating from his body language.

From the corner of his lowered eyes, he saw as Lucius Malfoy fidgeted uncomfortably at the farthest syde of the Inner Circle, his discomfort hidden behind a large, intrincated silvery mask. At his side, with hair just as blond and long – if maybe a bit whiter near the top – the one he supposed to be Abraxas Malfoy turned a stern look to his heir, one hand tightening on his walking stick as if in warning. He couldn't recognize the others, of course. Many had similar features, others he didn’t even know had joined the ranks of the Dark Lord.

But there were also those that, wherever they were behind silver masks and dark robes, he knew were laughing, sneering, looking at him as if he was filth under their boots.

The muggle blood running through his veins never did him any good. Not before Hogwarts, not during his school years, and even less after them.

Just thinking about his early life, being raised like an uncough muggle, completely oblivious of his birthright…

"Dumbledore knows the waves are turning" Voldemort said eventually, his voice assuming that deep, entrancing tone he used before every rampage, sowing the lines of power and leadership without needing to wield any magic "Our time is finally come...".

As a loud cheer rouse from the lines of Death Eaters, Snape had to suppress the urge to chuckle mirthlessly.

And there were still those who believed the Dark Lord was using the Imperius curse to gain followers.

Fools. All of them.

None of those on that room had needed magic. No-one behind a silver mask never did. Only a purpose. A leader strong enough to make them believe all those ideas taught’em since birth had a higher purpose, a way of implementation.

Voldemort gave them a way to feel right and justified. To feel better, higher, special.

More times than not, words could be more dangerous than even the unforgivable curses.

"Now, Severus" the man called at him at him again, making his head wip up in a almost painful way "Tell us again… What is it that you heard Dumbledore listening to at the Hog’s Head..."

Suddenly, a terrible feelling made Snape’s body stiffen, cold fear slipping into his very bones as he faced the one man he had given everything up to follow.

He gulped, trying to make the words sound firm as he repeated, once again, the lines of the prophecy he had overheard almost five months before. There was no hesitation when he finally spoke. Only the same placid, drawling tone he used with his students. Failing at nonchalance was not an option at that moment, not on a room surrounded by the Lord’s Inner Circle Death Eaters.

As he went on, he could almost feel the shocked gazes of his fellow Death Eaters.

He doubted the Dark Lord had seen fit to share that piece no news with any of them before. The only one that didn't react, keeping the same smug smile on her face, the mask pending from the belt on her dark dress, was Bellatrix Lestrange.

Her eyes, he could not help noticing, looked just as crazed – if not more – than her deranged Lord. At every word that fell from Snape’s mouth, the woman seemed to become more and more giddy, a glinting of laughter and taunting shining on her dark eyes as she laughed at him, enjoying her own personal joke.

The cold feeling only intensified, tightening on an iron grip around his stomach.

Something was not right there.

His eyes darted carefully all around the room, going from one masked face to the other, trying to understand what his subconscious mind was trying to alert him about. But suddenly the last word left his lips and the place fell in a tight, nervous silence. Snape almost cringed. Even at that moment, he knew it was to late.

"Born as the seventh month dies..." Lord Voldemort repeated, almost savoring the words on the tip of his tongue as Snape could see a maniac smile starting to tug at his thin, snake-like lips "It seems you might be useful, after all. Come here, child, and remind us what exciting piece of news you just heard from the blood-traitors Potters...".

Everything stopped at that moment.

In a single heart-beat, Snape felt the blood freeze in his veins, a uncomfortable whistling taking his years as he watched, in stunned silence, as a small frame stepped forward. One that he hadn't quite noticed before. One that, until the last meeting he had been present, didn't belong to the Dark Lord.

Slowly, he took off his silver mask with a light wave of his wing, the dark cape wrapped around his shoulders clearly too small for his chubbier frame, ending near the curve of his bulky shoulders.

"My Lord." He bowed.

Just like Severus had done before him.

But it was not the same. It would never be the same.

Because there, half hidden under his vests and tendrils of red blood, he could see the recently burned dark mark on the pale, disfigured forearm of Peter Pettigrew.

_What have I done?_

Snape trembled, his mind reeling dangerously close to shatter as fear like nothing he had experienced before burned on his eyes and made his hands shake.

_No… No, no… This can't be..._

Pettigrew held his head high, the bush of curly, mousey hair denouncing his former tormentor as his beady dark eyes shone with cobice. That rat was a traitor.

The high and mighty Sirius Black and James Potter had been fooled by their coward friend.

_This can’t be… Can’t..._

He was only half-aware of Bellatrix’s crazed laughter as Lily Evan’s eleven year old self flashed on his mind, her smile as caring and friendly as always.

Only, this time, it didn't sooth him, instead making the raging flames of his silent agony burn brighter.

_Oh… Oh Merlin, what have I done?_

_What have I done?_

____________

Severus Snape looked at the large fireplace on his rooms at Hogwarts, a handful of floo powder held tightly between his fingers as he watched the tall red flames dancing around the darkened stone.

He didn’t know how long he had been there anymore, letting his mind fight a final battle with all his self-preserving Slytherin instincts. In his heart, of course, he knew there wasn’t a choice to be made - not really, not when her life was jeopardy.

But the mind was a tad bit more difficult to convince.

So that was why Snape had spent the last couple of weeks trying to decide on what to do. Even though he hadn’t exactly been truthful on his excuse for avoiding the Dark Lord of late, it also wasn't wrong to say Albus seemed particularly wary of him since the last time the Order had faced the Death Eaters.

The Headmaster was watching him more closely, his knowing, blue eyes studying him from afar every-time Snape was not enclosed on his rooms or teaching a bunch on talentless brats the fine art on potion brewing – which, as far as he was concerned, would mostly turn a waste of his time at the end.

What it all amounted to, however, was that simply going to Dumbledore and outing Voldemort’s for the Potter's was not exactly an option.

The Headmaster would want more information, and unfortunately, there were too many vows and spells connecting the Death Eaters so that, if anyone dared to openly betray the Dark Lord, he would meet his end at the hands of Bellatrix and her husband before even a couple sentences could be uttered. Snape had, of course, been working on ways to free himself from most of those charms since the madness of the Lord had become apparent to him.

His beliefs remained unchanged, but he was not so unhinged that he could watch and help a madmen take control of the entire Wizard Community on England.

Unfortunately, even though in theory he _should_ be able to revert some of the nastier jinxes connected to the Mark, he hadn't as of yet made up his mind about the testing. There was no telling what side effects or magical backlashes he could suffer from self administrating those experimental formulas (or even if the Dark Lord would not _feel_ that someone was trying to temper with that wretched tattoo). Also, there was the fact that the more problematic curses were such that not even the Half-Blood Prince was able to counteract.

Like the vow that made him unable to out any other Death Eater besides himself.

As far as his research had gone, there was no way around that particular curse, no roundabout way to give the Order the list of names they so badly wanted.

That meant no Death Eater would be trusted.

Lord Voldemort had effectively left his followers without the only bargaining chip that would ever allow any of them to change sides.

It all went a long way for discouraging treason.

Unfortunately, that also meant that, even though Severus could try and talk to Dumbledore, he would not be able to warn him about the traitor. The rat that had betrayed Lily and James Potter.

And without that information, it didn’t matter whether the order knew about the prophecy or not, Lily would never be safe. If worse came to worse, word could even end up reaching the Dark Lord about a double agent between his followers. There would be no forgiveness when he was found out - because Severus Snape was never under the naive impression that he would be able to hide something like that from the wizard. He might be a decent, even good, occlumens, but even Narcissa Malfoy’s defenses would crumble under the Lord’s wand - and, like every Black before her, the woman had been raised for her mind defenses to be impenetrable. A literal fortress.

And that was when he remembered.

That was when, with a startled realisation, Lucius’s uncomfortable fidgeting on that night finally made sense.

How come he had forgotten?

_Draco Lucius Malfoy, born on september 20th of 1980._

Severus was one of the very few, selected people who knew about the birth of the next Malfoy heir.

Narcissa had asked for him at the first sign of complication during her fifth month. He hadn’t been obliviated after trying his best to decide on what to do - he was no healer, after all - but there was no escaping a unbreakable vow. The two of them might have been close at school, but Severus would’ve been sorely disappointed if the cunning woman didn’t take any precautions against him.

As fate would have it, his presence at the birth had proven to be a wise call.

If for anything else, Severus was grateful for those months of closer contact because, finally, he had begun to understand the conundrum that was Lucius Abraxas Malfoy.

It had been there all along, on the older wizard's eyes. The raw desperation, the fear for his family and for himself should the Dark Lord prevail.

Lucius had always been a sorry excuse for a death eater, but until that point the potions master had attributed it to simple lack of talent. Now, though, he was aware that, despite his arrogant façade, the man wasn't even trying to succeed.

Snape, who had almost felt sorry for him at the time, couldn't help the thankful prayer for Merlin that left his lips at that moment.

Lucius Malfoy might still be hindered by the same curses that he was, but his wife was not.

Narcissa Malfoy had never been given the dark mark.

She was the only one that could warn the Order, that could speak up without repercussions. Even if the woman didn’t want to help, Snape felt he owed it to himself to at least try. With a last, fortifying breath, Severus closed his eyes tightly and trew to floo powder into the hearth, letting the fire flame green before stepping into the fireplace.

With one last, longing look at his personal rooms, the potions master closed his hands into fists and called for the last place he had ever seen himself returning to.

“Chateau Rosier.”


	2. Narcissa Malfoy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Narcissa makes a decision and things are put into motion. Also, a bit of a look onto Draco's parents background.

Narcissa

_ November, 1980. _

Narcissa Malfoy hummed lowly the old lines of the lullaby, her eyes never leaving the peaceful image of her newborn son as he slept inside the crib, the afternoon sun shining like a halo over his beautiful, white-blond tresses.

He was perfect, she was sure. And he had such a sweet smile…

Her lips tugged up involuntarily as she remembered Draco's happy giggles a few days back, when Severus Snape made a mess out of himself while trying to change his godson’s nappies.

Even Lucius had had a problem keeping his face straight, but he had had years under the iron fist of his terrible excuse of a father to learn and keep his features schooled into a bored, untouchable mask.

The song suddenly stopped flowing from her lips, a mix of frustration and fear running through her veins like boiling water as Narcissa rose from the chair besides her son and started pacing the large room.

She never wanted Abraxas Malfoy to be even on the same continent as Draco, much less in the same house! She wanted to protect him even more fiercely than she had tried to protect Lucius on those last two years at Hogwarts.

Lucius father’s archaic methods had never been a secret between them. Her dear husband had literally had the Old Ways beaten onto him  _ ad exhaustion  _ during his first sixteen years of life. His mother, forced into a arranged marriage that only brought her grief and sorrow, kept herself as far from England as she could for the largest periods of time possible.

During the last few years, seeing the woman was just not as rare as seeing her sober.

For all that was worth, her husband had been left alone since his birth, completely at that monster’s mercy.

Narcissa had known since her third year that he would be hers one day. Even at the age of thirteen, she had been able to see the pain and loneliness hidden behind the haughtiness and cold, silvery eyes of the fifth year student. 

Lucius’s bravado had never been able to fool her - she was a Black, after all.

When he was about to graduate and the news came that his father expected him to report to the Dark Lord and follow the family’s expectations, Narcissa had seen his cool façade break for the first time.

They might all be purists that thought the Wizarding World was safer without muggleborns that could never understand what was family magic, nor could they grasp the ultimate price they all paid to control it and keep their world hidden, but none of them - not even her most conservative friend - had been murderers.

Despite what those like Dumbledore seemed to believe, life was not divided into black and white shades. Those views were for the simple-minded and lazy ones. Reality was sewn in shades of grey and silver, and intricate, complex piece none of them was able to grasp in its entirety.

Not that she believed herself or her husband to be blood traitors or muggle champions like the joke the Weasley family had begun.

As far as she was concerned, though, her prejudices had never directly harmed anyone, nor did she plan on getting her hands dirty.

Still, Narcissa Malfoy neé Black would never forget the despair written on Lucius's beautiful eyes when he finally met her on her first Hogsmeade weekend at sixth year, only a few days after receiving the mark.

The fall to his shoulders, the way his eyes darted anywhere besides her, the pain written on the line of his jaw… It was all marked deeply inside her saw, feeding the stuff of her nightmares.

It had also been the one and only time he had tried to make her break their engagement.

“ _ I will never force you to be with someone like me, Cissy, someone that has been branded like an animal… You deserve so much more! The contract is null and over, as long as you wish so. _ ”.

Narcissa could almost physically feel her heart bleeding for him on that afternoon, just before fury and hatred as she had never felt before burnt into her stomach as she hugged him, consoling the man that would someday be her husband.

All the while, her own mind was going on and on about all the ways she cold assure Abraxas Malfoy had the most painful, gruel death possible, just so that he could at least begin to atone for everything he had cost his only son and heir.

Coming out of those painful memories with e deep, fortifying breath, Narcissa let her eyes fall once more over Draco, their innocent, happy son. The perfect image of what his father could have been in his peaceful slumber.

The fire within herself ragged brighter, almost making her hands shake.

Some might be misled by her delicate appearance and fine manners, but Narcissa Malfoy was a Black through and through. 

It might not have been possible for her to protect Lucius when they were young and he most needed it, but things were different now. She was older, wiser, and much, much more powerful than the girl who had almost begged him to run away with him to France, where her mother's family still had some unregistered property under the fidelius charm.

She loved her husband with all that she was, but Draco was her son. He was just as much a part of her as her own magic. And she would be dead before she let what was done to Lucius be done to her child.

Whatever the cost, she would make sure Draco had the opportunity to grow up on a home where he felt safe and loved. She would give her son all the opportunities that had been denied to his father.

More than anything, though, she would never let an obnoxious, egotistical half-blood with royalty complexes kill him because of a stupid prophecy!

Narcissa scoffed derisively, turning on her heels on a swift motion as she left the nursery to follow down the star to the floo room.

There was no hiding the  _ men  _ – if he still could be called one – had been raised by muggles… Only that could account for his seemingly bottomless stupidity! No true wizard of good family would ever give prophecies any credit. If not foolish, it was counterproductive to try and stop a divination, as it would only put it into motion.

And  _ that  _ was the men her proud, purist father-in-law followed with such aplomb!

The man was probably just as addled as his master.

What was it that muggleborn Evans used to say?  _ Oh, right… _

Pride goeth before the fall.

If the swot knot-it-all had anything to it, Narcissa had now only to wait and watch for his downfall.

“Narcissa?”

Narcissa’s head shot up just as she reached the landing, her bright blue eyes falling over her husband’s tall figure near the entrance hall. He was taking off a pair of dragon-leather gloves, his long, white-blond hair pulled back with a thin black strip as he had yet to rid himself of his outer robes.

His eyes, she could see, were they usual inescrutable shade of grey, all the while studying her as if trying to make sense of a puzzle.

"Are you going somewhere?" he asked eventually, just as she made it to him, her thin arms enveloping his strong frame in a tight, unexpected embrace.

"You took long enough, husband" she retorted in a small, almost playful voice, clearly avoiding the topic as they let go of each other, giving the rest of his outer clothing to his personal house-elf to dispose of before walking through the small corredor of the Chateau, entering the cozy family drawing room.

“So?” she propped him, indicating the large sofa near the crackling fireplace.

"My father has been asking questions again" he confessed, his straightforward manner telling Narcissa more than his words were letting on.

When the pregnancy had started to show, both of them had decided it was not a time that would be safe for a new Malfoy to be introduced to their current circle. So word was spread that Narcissa had fallen ill with a terrible cold and would be retiring to her family property in France.

The Chateau Rosier was one of the few family manors that had been left unscathed by the dark wizards, and the only one protected by the Fidelius charm, so that Abraxas would never be able to reach them.

Still, there was only so long one could be ill for, and if her husband´s expression was anything to go by, he wasn’t sure for how much longer they would be able to keep Draco's existence a secret. 

Not even if it meant saving his life.

"I see" was all she said, turning to the door again and calling for Tippy to bring Lucius some refreshment, her ever present proper manners taking over automatically as her brain started racing, considering everything she planned to do and the possible repercussions.

She wouldn’t be a Slytherin if she didn’t make sure to have a backup plan - even one she preferred not to have to put in motion.

Her husband was already sipping a warm cup of tea before she finally deigned to speak again.

"If that is so, then I believe the answer to your previous question is yes. I should probably be already on my way."

Lucius Malfoy looked up at her calm, resolute eyes, his hands placing the old, priceless chinaware on the center table with measured, almost calculated movements.

"I suppose then, I’m right to assume you have decided to follow through with Severus idea?"

Narcissa sent him an almost bored look.

"Are the two of you any closer to finding a way to successfully remove the dark mark?"

The woman watched with cool patience as her husband’s entire body tensed, his jaw working on a furious glower at the challenge on her voice… Just before his entire stance deflated, a defeated sigh escaping his lips as Lucius’s head fell back against the backrest, his eyes closing.

"No… As far as we know, there is no way to safely remove it – short of cutting off the arm, that is… And even then, there’s no guarantee the mark won't simply move itself to another limb."

It was very dark magic indeed, if even the old Malfoy journals weren’t of any help.

Without a single word, Narcissa moved her body closer to his, letting her head rest onto his shoulder as her husband's arm fell around her, pressing her tightly against his side in the only form of comfort his Slytherin brain would allow at that moment.

It was a few minutes later when she finally let go of him, waiting until his grey orbs were once more on her face before continuing.

"This is our best chance Lucius… You know the chances of any of us surviving if the Dark Lord finds out about Draco's birth". That she would die protecting her son didn't need to be said with words. They both knew the lengths Narcissa could go for her family.

Still, Lucius couldn't help the tired breath that left him.

"They won't trust you, Cissy… You know how Dumbledore and that Order of his work, they would never trust the word of a Slytherin...".

"Oh, you’re right, I know exactly how they think" she agreed matter of factly, a malicious glint into her voice "And that’s why I'm sure I'll be able to make them listen."

At her confident words, Lucius sat up straight again, his curious eyes running over her face with a searching glance.

"And what, if I may ask, did this beautiful head of yours came up with this time, love?"

Narcissa laughed lightly, the sound like tinkling bells chilling her husband and making goosebumps run over his arms. The woman was a force to be reckoned with.

"Oh, I'll just have to present them exactly what they expect to see" at his continued expectant stare she smiled again, this time indulgently "Why would a cunning, self-preserving Slytherin give up this kind of information to the other side, if not to find some sort of, let's say, compensation?".

Lucius Malfoy stayed completely still for a few seconds more, his eyes wide in stunned realization, and then a loud, incredulous laugh rumbled through his chest, his arms wrapping once more around his wife as he landed a small, soft kiss over her sweet lips.

"I always knew there was a reason why I married you, wife."

"Just as you know why, to this day, I still let you think you had any choice on the matter, husband".

Later, when Narcissa threw the Floo powder into their hearth, she had given her husband one last look before stepping to the flames.

And then she called for the last place she had ever thought she would return to.

_ It seems she was about to make an unexpected visit to her elder sister… _

If the fates were on their side, Andromeda Tonks would ask questions first and hex later – thought Narcissa was not very confident.

"Well, love" Lucius had said with amusement when she explained her intention "At least we have an option besides that Gryffindor cousin of yours."

"Indeed."


	3. The Marauders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The traitor is revealed and the Potters and their closest friends begin planning for the future.

Marauders

_ November, 1980. _

"BASTARD!"

"Padfoot..."

"I'M GONNA KILL THAT RAT!"

"Padfoot!"

"I CAN’T EVEN..."

" _ SIRIUS _ !”

Sirius Black let out a manasseing hiss, his dark eyes sparkling with fury as he turned to face the man that had been trying to stop his storming out of his cousin’s home and teaching the traitor Pettigrew why one knew better than to doublecross a Black.

“It’s not the time” Remus insisted, tightening the hold on his arm as his eyes borrowed into Sirius’s “There’s too much on the line.”

To his credit, Padfoot had the heart to feel a bit abashed as his eyes roamed the room, going over the nervous faces of Andromeda, LIlian and James - the last one being clearly contained by his wife’s ever so rational efforts.

He felt a bit trapped, having to deal with that kind of news of the little, cosy drawing room of his cousin’s safe house. But then again, he would probably have felt trapped even in the Ancient and Noble Manor of House Black.

Sirius just wasn’t one to deal well with treason, even less if it came from someone so close.

He had just to remember the debacle with his brother, Regulos, as an example.

Sighing loudly, the most impulsive Marauder closed his eyes tightly, forcing a deep, calming breath into his lungs before covering Moony’s hand with his own in a sign that he was alright now.

"I’m sorry… I’m sorry” he repeated, starting to pace in front of the tall hearth like a caged animal “I just…  _ Bollocks _ ! I  _ knew  _ we had a bug! I told you!” he turned to James “after what happened the last time we faced him, I  _ told you _ someone had to be passing info to his side! And I thought, Merlin, Moony! I even thought it was you!" he exclaimed, guilt and shame coloring his words as Sirius leaned against the mantel peace of the fireplace, his body sagging forward.

“I just can’t believe we didn’t see this shite coming...”.

“He was your friend, Sirius” Lilly reminded him kindly “He was with you tree all this years… You could never have suspect him. You’re not so cynical as to question your friends loyalty like that… And I hope you never be.”

“Besides” James continued, giving Remus a guilty glance “You were not the only one that suspected Moony, Padfoot… We were all on edge, and...”.

“I’m a werewolf” Remus filled in when his friend looked unable to form the words “It was the logical conclusion, seeing as my sire is a Death Eater. I would have reached the same conclusion if I had been in your shoes. There is nothing any of you should feel guilty about”.

At those words, Sirius barked out a cold, sarcastic bout of laughter, turning from the fireplace once more just to sage onto the farthest seat.

None of them commented on the young men’s pained expression, deciding, on a silent agreement, that it would benefit no’one to keep on dwelling over that particular piece of information.

There were more pressing matters to be addressed, at least if they wanted a chance at ending the war.

"Andy" James called at the older woman, his voice tentative on the silence broken only by the creaking of the fire "Are you sure Narcissa was telling the truth?"

"My sister may be many things, James, but she is nothing but thorough" Andromeda declared, reaching inside her vest and producing a couple of small vials filled with shimmering, silver locks of energy "She gave me memories – both hers and Severus, if I understood correctly… Her only condition was that, if I decided to give Dumbledore the vials, Sirius would have to be with him to see them. Only Black blood would be able to access the images within."

That brought James to a halt, a frown lowering his dark eyebrows in a thoughtful expression.

"Why would she do that, though?"

Sirius could only laugh at the naivitée of the man he considered much like a brother – more than his own flesh and blood had ever been to him.

"Isn’t that obvious? My dear cousin was making sure that, if the Old Man decided to sit back and do nothing, I would be pissed off enough to act on it.”

“So, your cousin was counting that, whatever you saw, would leave you hot-headed and make you act out of anger” Lilian pondered, unable to keep a reluctant tinge of respect for Narcissa’s precise planning.

Sirius agreed, his expression darkening.

“Which means she is probably telling the truth too,  _ darn it _ !"

Andromeda only nodded with a worried turn to her lips, having reached the same conclusion as her cousin a couple hours earlier, when she was trying to make Teddy leave their home with Dora without letting away the specific reason.

It was not that she didn’t trust him or anything else, it was just that old habits were hard to break, and her Slytherin mind had already decided that, the fewer people aware of the prophecy and He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named’s plan, the better.

"So…" Lilly begun tentatively, looking between her friends and her husband, as if trying to gauge their reactions to her next words "Do we  _ tell  _ Professor Dumbledore?"

“Of cor-”

"No."

Everyone turned to Moony in surprise, James and Sirius looking completely flabbergasted at their friend’s resolute tone.

"Remus?" James asked, confused "Why the hell not? Dumbledore is the leader of the Order! Of course we have to tell him!"

Lupin just sighed, his thin fingers running through his light brown hair.

"Dumbledore likes his secrets.” he begun carefully, his eyes meeting Andromeda’s, whose slight nod of understanding was able to propel him forward “Whatever his intentions, James… If Severus was telling the truth about how he got to know the prophecy, then we can’t forget professor Dumbledore knew of it all along."

"Oh, come on Moony! It’s a  _ prophecy _ , for Godric's sake!" Padfoot defended "No  _ real _ Wizard would ever take this kind of nonsense seriously…! He probably thought none of it and just forgot to mention."

“I don’t think your Professor would ever forget something this big, cousin” Andromeda pointed out with a colder tone, reminding all of them that, once upon a time, she had been a Slytherin.

And if there was one notorious flaw in the Headmaster’s behaviour, to Andromeda, it was to judge first and question later. As blind as the Gryffindor's might be, they couldn’t plead ignorance to the man’s favoritisms and prejudice against her house.

"Andy is right.” Moony agreed, his expression giving away how tired he really was after the last full moon “And you have to remember, it all happened on the Hog's Head. We are talking about a very public place. Just as Severus happened to be nearby, Merlin only knows who else could have overheard it… You all know how desperate people are becoming, and desperate people are dangerous. They act out of character, they are reckless – they might just believe a prophecy like that if it gave them hope." Remus looked at each of them in turn, his eyes serious "We would've been completely blindsided."

"Fuck!" Sirius gasped, running his hands through his long hair.

"Padfoot" Lilly admonished, but her eyes were playful.

"Of course my dear" he acknowledged with a proper bow of respect "It seems your incomprehensible friendship with Snivellus has finally paid up."

James snorted, just as his wife sent a stinging hex onto Sirius, making him jump with a yelp.

"Now, now, children" Andromeda admonished, fighting a smile hidden at the side of her lips "We can revisit the subject later. For now, I think we have more pressing matters to decide." 

"Like buying a big mouse trap to kill a rat!" Sirius mumbled, to the nod in agreement of his cousin.

"Do you pretend on outing him to the rest of the Order?" she asked the others, ignoring the mumbled obscenities Sirius was still sprouting at his side of the room.

The three Marauders exchanged a heavy look, an entire conversation going on silently between them. Seeing their stances stiffen, Lilian just rolled her eyes. Clearly, even though they had left Hogwarts, their days of recklessness and halfcocked ideas were not quite behind them yet.

"I know what the tree of you are thinking" she declared, eyeing James meaningfully "And it is stupid, and reckless, and so many other things! And just so you know, the answer is no!"

Andromeda frowned, turning to give her friend a questioning look at the other's bashful faces.

The read-head just sighed, massaging her brows.

"They want to set a trap to the Dark Lord."

"Oh, come on, Lily..."

"No!" she cut through James’s words, sending him a scathing glare "It will be bad enough with You-Know-Who after Harry! And you want to taunt the man?! James, this is not school or a stupid prank at the shrieking shack! This is real life! You could die! You all could!"

James's eyes bulged, taken aback by the sudden moist gathering on his wife's eyes.

"Lil's..." he sighed, walking to the seat she was at and sitting at the chair’s arm, bringing her near on a tight, reassuring embrace "It's going to be alright, okay? We are all gonna be fine..."

"He is right, Evans" Sirius agreed, sending her his signature, infuriating grin "Do you really think I would let Dumb-Face get even ten feet near my godson?" he scoffed, earning himself a wobbly, slightly teary laugh from the woman “As you yourself like to say, we’ll make sure to get all our bases covered.”

"Speaking of which” James said, his face turning dead serious as he looked between the others present on the room “If we’re really letting Dumbledore out of this… We still need to decide how we are going to protect my son."

"Actually, I think i might have an idea" Remus said slowly, his eyes turning back to stare at Padfoot in a thoughtful manner "I was wondering… What about the charm hiding your birth home?"

Sirius's eyes bulged, and then his surprised stare turned into a smug smile.

"You mean the Fidelius?" at his agreement he went on "It could work, actually. As long as we have a trustworthy secret keeper… It’s a nasty little piece of magic to work out, but I know if anyone could do it, it would be the Brightest Witch or our generation here." he winked at Lilian, gaining a derisive snort from the woman.

"Actually, that sounds perfect!" James mumbled, his eyes suddenly lighting up with an idea. 

"The Fidelius..." he repeated, looking at his two best friends "I think I already know how we can use Pettigrew to finally get to You-Know-Who..."

"That will be dangerous, Prongs" Moony admonished with a worried frown "We might need to let the order in on it."

"So we tell them! But not everything" Sirius went on, his brain working fast, thoughts going side by side with James's "No-one needs to know about the prophecy, nor about the memories. If we choose to look them over, that will be between us and Dumbledore alone."

"That's quite well, I suppose" Remus finally admitted, exchanging a sorry look with Lilian.

"Well, now that we are all set, I'm curious, cousin dear!" Sirius turned to Andromeda, a mischievous glint into his dark eyes "What is it exactly that our eviler, more manipulative relative asked in exchange for all this useful information?"

At that, Andromeda actually smirked.

"Ah, well, she just requested my help in eliminating a particular Death Eater."

That piece of knews got everyone's attentions.

"Oh?" Remus repeated, unable to mask his curiosity "And who exactly would we be talking about?"

Andromeda turned her eyes at him, her smile now predatory.

"Why, who else? Her father-in-law, Abraxas Malfoy."

The only sound heard on the room for a long time was Sirius Black amused bark of a laugh.

"Well, I'll be  _ damned _ !"

____________________

_ December, 1980 _

As agreed between Andromeda and Narcissa, the witch had been keeping the small group appraised about any activities concerning the Potters or any plans the Dark Lord might have for them.

Unfortunately, it was turning out to be a tricky matter to address.

As Severus explained, Lucius could not be told what the information was for, nor could he be consciously aware about what kind of specific information his wife was fishing for, otherwise the charms and hexes surrounding the mark would make him unable to say anything, maybe even ending up alerting the Dark Lord about what they were trying to do.

The only reason Snape had been able to be so open with her was because Narcissa was yet undecided about what to do, so it would not technically constitute of treason – a very Slytherin way of thinking, if anyone asked him.

Still, it were a tiring couple of months for everyone involved. 

As the fates would have it, though, as time kept going, the Dark Lord seemed to almost forget about the prophecy and the Potter’s child. If what Narcissa was sharing held any truth to it – and at that point, even Sirius had to agree his cousin was probably trustworthy enough – You-Know-Who had suddenly turned all his efforts to search for a particular golden Cup. 

The witch hadn’t been very specific about the reason, nor the particulars of such an object, but if the tone of her letters were right, the man was quite desperate to locate it. Almost every Death Eater was currently turning London upside down in search of it.

It was, all things considered, a curious endeavor, one that had caught the attention of the remaining members of the Order. The sudden cease fire only made for more speculations between the members, mainly after  _ months _ of merciless attacks and confrontations.

Whatever the reason, be it a cup, a crown or whatever trinket had caught that snake’s fancy, James was just glad they had the extra time to try and figure out what to do next. They had kept Peter as close as ever, so as not to give away that they knew something was off.

Sirius, of course, was showing to have the most problem with their little act, but even he had been making a concerted effort to include the treacherous rat on any outings, conversations and oficial meetings they were doing.

It might have helped that Lily reminded him a couple of times that they needed time to figure out the Fidelius charm, and acting out of character with Pettigrew would only put Voldemort on his guard and catch his attention.

Still, the lack of a feasible, concrete plan was leaving all of them on edge - even if none wanted to be the first to admit it.

Things were simply running  _ too  _ smoothly right now, and that left a acrid, burning taste of the back of Sirius’s mouth.

He simply had a bad feeling about the whole thing.

"I could…"

"No, you couldn't" Remus cut Sirius's offer one night, his face scrunched in a tired, slightly annoyed mask as they went over the large amount of scrolls pertaining to the Fidelius charm.

Again.

"You are the obvious choice for the secret keeper."

"I'm also the  _ safest  _ choice" Padfoot reminded his friend with a glare "You know it would take much more than the Cruciatus to break me."

"Still, the Death Eaters would be all over you as soon as they learnt that Pettigrew had been played." Moony insisted "The secret keeper has to be someone out of the line of fire. Someone they would not expect."

"Well, that is just rich!" Sirius retorted in a annoyed tone "Who would you suggest then? Is  _ dear cousin Cissy _ inconspicuous enough?"

James scoffed, his face turning into a frown at Lupin's almost thoughtful expression. As crazy as it was, the men was actually considering it!

Well, it would be a no, thank you.

"That's not happening" he declared, his attention going once again to the scrolls "I'm not about to put my family's safety on the hands of a snake – as helpful as she has proven to be recently."

"But maybe…".

"It's a  _ no,  _ Moony!" James stated, sending him a hard look that brooked no questioning "Think of someone else!"

Remus sighed, looking clearly unhappy by the development, but eventually nodded in agreement, going to seat on a chair near the raging fireplace, his eyes getting lost as he pondered their possibilities.

All along, Lilian just kept to herself, adding to the notes she had already gathered about the spell and changing a few things about the casting she hadn't been satisfied with. She wouldn't say anything at that moment, mainly seeing as James had been on the edge for a week now about the matter of their secret keeper.

Still, she couldn't help but consider that Narcissa Malfoy  _ could  _ be the perfect choice – that is, if the woman even accepted to do so. The dark lord would never suspect the wife of a Death Eater and member of a long line of purists. 

"I can almost hear the wheels of you brain turning, love" her husband murmured at her side, the tip of his lips lifting in his signature half smile "But as good an option as it may sound to you, please remember who we are talking about… Narcissa Malfoy's loyalty is first and foremost to her family. She might be helping us now, because she will get something out of it that is, for some reason, beyond her powers to deal with alone. But as soon as she thinks her family is at risk, she will not hesitate in using us as a bargaining chip."

"He is quite right, you know?" Sirius agreed, resting his back against the wall near a large bookshelf "Cissy will always put her family first. If she deigned appropriate to warn us, it is only because she felt it would benefit her in some way. And don't let her request to end Malfoy Father fool you… If she wanted, that woman could kill her father in law in cold blood and make the world believe she was a grieving woman on the same act. There is clearly more in it for her than she wanted us to know."

That actually gave her pause.

"But clearly, she would consider your suspicious?" Lily asked tentatively, trying to wrap her head around their family's almost schizophrenic dynamics.

Sirius’s bark of laughter almost made her jump on her chair, bringing small, amused smiles to Moony and her husband's faces.

"Of course she knew I would see through her ruse, she is a Black!" he agreed easily "But the thing is, Lil's, she doesn't really care. She knew her information was good enough for all of us just accept her offering and put our heads down. Now, I’m sure Andy tried speculating with her, but if she was able to find something, she didn't see fit to share it with little ol’me."

"The Black family has always had a… Very particular M.O." Remus commented eventually, trying not to laugh at the perplexed expression on the face of his friend's wife.

"We are all a bunch of skeptical, sneaky bastards!" Sirius agreed easily with a chuckle "What can I say? It makes for an interesting Christmas night – not that I've been invited to one this last couple of years, anyway."

"Sirius..." Lilly called, unable to hide the sadness on her voice "I'm so sorry..."

"Oh, no, no, I was not trying to sing my tales of woo, dear!" Padfoot rushed to assure her with a tentative smile "Don't worry about me, really. The choice I made was the only one I could live with… Besides, I think I have found my family in the end, didn't I?"

James nodded, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"That you did, mate!" he said seriously.

Right at that moment, the Potter's house elf saw fit to bring them their refreshments, making sure all of them had their servings of tea and small sandwiches before apparating away once more.

"Well, that was quick" Padfoot murmured, trying to dissipate the emotion still thick on his voice.

James just snorted at his friend's observation, sending Lilly a pointed look.

"That would be the workings of my dear wife hear" he almost preened, having to duck the hex he knew was aimed his way by the hands of his brilliant, currently fuming, wife "Lilian has been trying to make Minny accept a salary every time they get together on the same room, so…"

"So, the poor thing has been avoiding spending any amount of time on the presence of Lilly here, hum? Well you must have really put the fear of God on her - house elves are usually quite the resilient beings!" Sirius grinned, eliciting a loud laugh from his friends as the woman scowled at him.

"Sometimes you make it really hard not to hex you to an inch of your life, Sirius Black!" she hissed.

"And still, you put up with me, my dear" he bowed jokingly, sending her a wink.

"Speaking of Minny" Remus interjected, before spells begun flying between his two friends "Is she with Harry?".

"Hum… No" James retorted, glancing briefly at the large clock over the mantelpiece "He is at the Longbottoms… Alice commented their son was the same age of Harry and volunteered to look after him if needed be. We just thought he could use the change of scenery after being cooped up all this months".

"Alice is a good woman - way smarter than Frank, if you asked me” he ignored Remus’s muttered  _ “We didn’t”, _ a knowing smirk firmly planted on his lips “Isn't she supposed to be on Auror training, though?".

"Maternity leave" Lilian pointed out, raising an eyebrow with a sickeningly sweet smile. The  _ 'obviously'  _ was implicit.

Moony sniggered, just agreeing silently with a nod, a thoughtful expression falling over his face as he glanced over the fire. 

It was a couple of minutes before he finally spoke, breaking the concentrated murmurs between Prongs and Padfoot, both debating the method of casting the Fidelius.

"I was wondering if we should tell the Longbottoms?"

James's head shot up, his eyes wide with surprise.

"What? Why?"

"Their son…" Remus said simply "He was born the same day as Harry, wasn't he?"

"Moony, we already have enough on our plate to go around worrying about others…! You-Know-Who is clearly after my son, they are safe enough as it is."

"Still, you know how the Dark Lord works… He is clearly unhinged. His actions don't really need to make any sense."

"Well, that's true enough, I suppose" Sirius snickered "The man has lost what little mind he had left this last couple years. Maybe we'll get lucky and he'll just make a terrible mistake and kill himself in the end."

"I just thought the Longbottoms might appreciate the head’s up" Remus insisted, looking at Lilian for support "We don't need to explain everything… Just, I don't know, tell them the Dark Lord has been looking for children born on the end of the seventh month. it will be enough to put the family on their guard."

James sighed, lifting his gaze from the scrolls of spells opened over the large table on the Potter’s Manor.

"You won’t leave this alone until we agree, will you?" he scowled.

Remus just nodded, clearly unperturbed by his friend's reaction.

James sighed again, his hands running over his disheveled hair in a tired manner.

"This is getting out of hand" he bit out "If we are really going to do  _ this _ without contacting the rest of the Order for support, than we sure as hell can't go around playing hero! There's no way to save everyone on our own, and if we have to choose, I’ll damn right choose  _ my _ son!"

"James!" Lilian lashed, sending him a irritated glare "That was uncalled for and you know it! Remus just wanted to warn our friends, noone is playing hero here!"

The man scoffed, turning his back to her and glaring at the beautifully furnished office for a few seconds, before turning back to the table and dropping his fisted hands over the wood top with a scream of frustration.

" _ Damn it _ !" he shouted, having to stop himself from throwing everything to the ground, his limbs shaking "We are getting  _ nowhere _ with this!! Whoever placed the Fidelius on Padfoot's home-"

The grumble of  _ "It's not my home. _ " from Sirius was ignored by everyone present.

"- He is clearly years ahead of any of us! And if we can't find a way to enact this charm…" he closed his eyes, pain written all over his face before he whispered "I don't care what you think… If we really can't do this alone, I’m going to Dumbledore. It is my son we are talking about! I won't let anything happen to him because  _ someone  _ suddenly decided to have trust issues!"

"He is my son too, James!" Lilian reminded him, her tone sharp as her green eyes flared with anger "So you don’t dare insult me by even suggesting I would not do  _ everything _ to keep him safe!" she got up from her chair, walking to him until they were mere inches from each other, their eyes locked in a battle of wills "We understand you are frustrated and scared and that you don't have control of this situation! We  _ get it,  _ and we  _ respect  _ it! But don't you think for one  _ second _ that this gives you the right to question the loyalties of anyone on this room! We are all tired and nervous and quite out of ideas for now, so, if you can’t do this without getting grumpy and lashing out at our  _ friends _ , then just get out and sleep it off! Before you end up saying something you will regret later!"

And with that, she closed her books with loud thuds, picked everything up and exited the room, informing them over her shoulder that she would be picking Harry up and going to see her cousin afterwards - so they might as well not wait for her that night.

The three men were left completely stunned, looking flabbergasted at the closed door as if it would erupt in flames at any given second.

That is, until Padfoot started laughing so hard tears sprung to the corner of his eyes.

“Sirius! What the….”

“Well my friend” the curly haired man cut James, throwing a comforting arm over his brother’s shoulder “After  _ that,  _ I hope you have a comfortable couch waiting for tonight…”.

At his words, even serious Moony couldn’t help the small chuckle that left his lips.

_____________________

_ January, 4th, 1981 _

“I can’t think of anyone else” James insisted, looking from one friend to the other with a determined, his dark, chestnut eyes shining with hardening resolution.

“Thi is stupid and reckless even for you, James” Sirius retorted, glaring at the flames of the old hearth on his small apartment on Muggle London “You don’t want to give the man more reasons to go after you - trust me, there’s plenty as it is!”

“Just more reason why this is the perfect choice!” the man insisted through gritted teeth, sending his friend a dirty look. They had been on that same topic for almost two hours now, going back and forth without any sign of agreement or compromise from any side.

Of course, throughout the whole thing, Moony had been more the quiet and observing party than one of the contestants - still, the fact that he was not openly supporting James’s decision left the taller man with a bitter taste on his mouth.

“It is not ideal” Remus finally conceded, his eyes shifting with nervous energy, hands twisting onto each other in a failed attempt to fight the pull of the nearly full moon, it’s silvery light escaping between the half-closed draperies “And yet, none of our other options are any better.”

“Say what you want, but I still think  _ I  _ should be the secret keeper!” Padfoot insisted, having to control the urge to step his foot down like a little kid “You are stupid to think it will be safer.”

“There is no  _ choice _ left to make _ ,  _ Padfoot!” James finally grounded out, his hands slowing down as his gaze turned from the large knife and the roots he had been smashing to look straight at Sirius’s eyes “I’m not asking your permission… From any of you. I just thought you would like to know.”

Moony hummed an agreement, his mind wandering once more to the moon hanging on the dark, cloudy sky. With the ever closer proximity to the fool moon, the man felt it increasingly difficult to concentrate, his mind always feeling slower, as if his thoughts had to be dragged over a large wall of white fog.

The potions helped, of course, but it would never entirely go away. The call was simply too strong most of the time – which was why, after discovering about Peter’s treason, they had all decided his forays trying to bring the English packs allyance to Dumbledore would have to end.

None of them could afford the risk at that point.

Still… Remus was never entirely unaware of his limitations – and in days like today, with his magic rushing under his skin, making him restless, it was even harder to ignore that curse.

Sighing, he let his thoughts wander outside once more, considering the changing weather and the approaching Christmas holliday.

It would probably begin to snow soon this year.

They'd finally had a white winter – if only to appease Padfoot’s year’s end grumpiness.

The  _ clack  _ of metal hitting hard-wood brought his thoughts back, just in time to see Sirius putting his own potion instruments aside and look at James, his face a mixture of defeat and determination.

“Ok.” he said “Ok. Fine. You wanna be stupid? So be it!  _ Be  _ your own secret keeper! But if we're really doing it, then we’ll do this together - Marauders way, all right? ” he turned a single lifted eyebrow to Remus, earning a slight, amused smile from his friend “However, when all this blows up on our faces - and Merlin only knows that it  _ will  _ \- you are going to stay put and accept the thorough chastisement I’m sure your beautiful wife is going to deliver for all the three of us! Because I refuse to be on the receiving end of Lilian’s anger ever again!”

James laughed, his voice sounding a bit choked when he finally managed to pass the words through the tight knot in his airway, making his eyes sting.

“Don’t expect me to go down silently” he warned on a friendly manner, gaining a muttered agreement from his friends as they all went back to the potion.

When a thick cloak of silence had once again fallen over their room, Sirius had to suppress the urge to sigh, internally cursing himself for not seeing  _ that  _ particular bad decision coming earlier. Not that it was unexpected, really. As he said, being James who he was, it could have gone some ten times worst. 

Still… He simply couldn’t shake the feeling that their days were waning faster, and that time as they knew would be coming to an end before the war was over.

_ It must be all this potion stuff _ , he decided, trying to bat away the dark thoughts and concentrate once more into the very difficult, tiring steps of the Wolfsbane. Usually, Pettigrew would brew Remus’s doses along with those recipes he sent to St. Mungus every week.

Peter wasn’t the smartest kid when it came to wand-magic, but there was no denying the chap had talent for potions, second only to Snivellus (and Lilian, of course, but his friend was such a know-it-all that being surpassed by her was hardly of consequence). 

Sirius had never stopped to think about how materially their routines would have to change because of their friend’s absence. How much the four of them had come to rely on each other along the years.

Adapting had been tricky, of course, but the three friends were managing.

It had been Lily’s idea to secretly buy a flat on Muggle London where they could meet and discuss important things without the risk of alerting the Dark Lord his spy had been discovered. 

They had also used the opportunity to try and cast the Fidelius charm on the place. It took them three failed attempts and Lilian’s fumbling with a few old books to get it right, but now at least they knew it worked – Remus had been the stoic, yet reluctant secret keeper chosen to guard the place. 

And speaking of their favorite redhead…

“So...” Sirius begun slowly, hissing when a few drops of the potion sprayed over his hand “Does your wife already know about this, hum, particularly inspired decision of yours?”

James’s head shot up, sending his friend a glare before going back to the ingredients with a muttered “ _ mind your own business. _ ”

“It’s not as if you could keep this from her, Prongs… At least not after the spell is cast” Remus pondered gently, his nails scratching at the skin over his hands, the feeling of being to tight into his own body making his stomach slightly quease.

Some things simply never became easier - not with time, not with patience or anything else.

“With Lily…” James begun, his voice sounding tighter, as if he was fighting an internal argument “I just think it’s better to tell her after everything is in place.”

“Oh, yeah! How very smart of you, drop the bomb on your genious wife when she can’t do anything about it – besides hex your behind, of course.” Sirius snorted, sending his friend a pointed look.

“Which would be well deserved.” Moony grinned, enjoying the lightness of their childish banter.

“But of course.”

Merlin only knew how long it would be without any lightness coming back to their lives.


	4. THEIR LAST CHRISTMAS

THEIR LAST CHRISTMAS

December, 24th, 1980

_Potter Manor_

James looked around the decorated room, taking in the tall, green tree shinning with red and gold garlands, colorful Christmas globes and small, silvery enchanted stars, giving the room a cool, yet cosy feeling. He turned to the sides one last time, wand raised, making sure all the decorations were properly glued to the furniture.

The image he saw made every thoughts of decoration and security charms to fly out of his mind completely.

A slow smile opened on his face as he watched his few months old child with his small arms flailing, trying to grab at the evergreens surrounding the door frames from the security of his mother’s arms.

He almost wished he had one of those muggle contraptions Sirius bragged about so much, just so that he could capture that single moment when his green eyes turned huge with happiness, one hand entangling on Lily's hair as he reached for a enchanted, singing snowman on the mantelpiece.

Harry's giggling might not be the most beautiful sound he had ever heard – that honor was his mother’s, when he had finally pestered her enough to say yes to being his wife – but it was definitely one of the few things that could soothe his soul and make his heart warm.

“Hey, baby, look who’s here?” Lilian smiled, turning with the child on her arms and waving at him with a large, shining smile “Is it daddy? Let’s say ' _hi daddy? Hi!_ ” She took his small hand on hers, making a tentative wave at her husband.

The boy, of course, just giggled harder, a string of bubbles shining on his lips as he clapped happily.

James laughed, skirting the overflowing number of presents underneath the Christmas tree as he made his way to the both of them, wrapping an arm around her middle before pressing their lips together on a gentle kiss.

“Please, remind once again why did I ever agree to this idea of hosting the Christmas dinner here”.

Lilian laughed, beaming at him.

“Well, for starters, because you wouldn’t want to pass this day without Sirius and Remus. They are family.”

“They are a bunch of nosy interlopers” he grunted jokingly, stealing another kiss.

“And yet, you made them promise to be here on time this year” she reminded him with a pointed look.

James sighed dramatically, feigning a pained expression as his son tried to grab as his unruly, slightly longer hair. Those fingers were really fast.

“This one will be an amazing catcher when he is older” he declared, looking at his son with unveiled adoration “And daddy will make sure to buy you a toy broom this time next year.”.

“Uhum, that’s not going to happen” Lilian retorted with a sharp look, indicating the corridor with her chin “You are stalling, dear.”

James sighed dramatically, backtracking away from them in his most annoying, careless-rich-kid fashion.

“Better go open the floo, then, ma’am!”

“It would be a good idea, dear” she laughed, unable to control the small feeling of glee at his antics.

As her husband disappeared into the floor room, Lilian decided it would be better to check once more at the kitchen and the turkey on the stove. The Potter elves had everything under control, of course, but she wasn’t dealing very well with her extended vacation since Harry was bourn.

The fact that it was virtually impossible to leave the house without an escort the last couple weeks only made her more restless, which culminated into a sudden impetus to go over any single detail more thoroughly than was strictly necessary.

Fortunately, the house elves were by now quite used to their mistress’s nosiness, so they barely blinked when she ventured inside with a gurgling, restless toddler on her arms.

As Minny ran all the details by her once again on their way back to the main rooms, Lilian couldn’t help remembering the first time she decided to invited their friends and family over for the holidays, just a couple months after their marriage. It had been a whim, really, one that had left poor James at a complete loss on what to do.

She would have been amused at his antics if it wasn’t a bit endearing how he tried to deal with a lot more people than he was used too, at the same time being the congenial host his mother raised him to be and discouraging their guest continued permanency too long after the meal.

After that, Lilian made a conscious decision to keep celebrations small and more in accord to the Potter’s more reserved traditions, if only for her own peace of mind.

That meant, in other words, rescinding any possible invitation to her sister and new brother in law. There was simply no Christmas spirit strong enough to survive an encounter between the Potters and the Dursley’s.

Put Black and Lupin ok the mix, and the trio would antagonize her relatives so much it simply wasn’t worth the stress.

“Ah, here he is, the man of the house!”

She was brought back from her musing by the loud, slightly scratchy voice of Sirius as he crossed the room in large strides, completely ignoring James as he greeted a happily babbling Harry.

Lilian had only time to dismiss uncomfortable Minny back to the kitchens before the man had taken her happy – if a bit sleepy – son into his arms.

“And how is my favorite godson this evening?”

“You mean your _only_ godson, right?” Remus retorted with a smile, coming inside just a couple second behind his friend and stopping to exchange a few muffled words with James before proceeding to her.

“The house is beautiful as always, Lily” he said with a warm smile. The man usually refrained from any physical contact more than strictly necessary. None of them knew exactly if it was because of the lycanthropy or his own, more reserved nature, but Lilian had made a concerted effort along the years to make sure none of the others – particularly her husband – pestered him about it. Any attempts to breach that distance only seemed to make him more uncomfortable and self conscious.

“Remus, so glad you could make it” she returned, smiling over her shoulder at James as he crossed his arms over her middle, her body resting comfortably against his bigger one.

A while later, when the floo signal rung again and her husband left to retrieve Andromeda and the rest of the Tonkses, Lily took the opportunity to look at Sirius, who was now entertaining Harry with what looked like an old, plushy reindeer with a brilliant, sparkling red nose that would move or make noises whenever the small kid tried to touch it.

“He is good with him” Lupin commented offhandedly, following the direction of her eyes.

Lilian sighed.

“I know. It’s just… Sometimes I worry about him” she confessed, sending Remus a side glance “Sirius is so lonely... if anything happens to us...”

“Nothing will happen, Lily” he said, firm but gently “and you know we won’t ever let what happened to Regulus happen to him. Sirius have a strong mind and his magic is stable. He will be all right”

“I know... I mean, rationally, I know. Still…” she bit her lip, turning when she heard James’s voice becoming louder again, along with Ted Tonks’s uproarious laughter about some blunder from the new secretary at the minister office (it was all everyone had been talking about for a time now – apparently, the woman had more pink surrounding her than the muggle tooth fairy) “But this is not the time... It’s Christmas. I’m truly sorry for the terribly dark mood, Remus”.

The man waved her away before leaving to join Sirius on entertaining young Harry, making shiny bubbles with his wand that would twinkle and sing like a bell every-time they touched each other.

“Lilian!” Andromeda called, giving her a warm hug just before her daughter stormed over, calling a ‘Hey Aunt Lily’ over her shoulder on her way to the other marauders, who were now perusing the wrapped presents under the Christmas tree.

Apparently, Sirius had finally learnt that Harry had a _very_ _limited_ attention span.

“Andy!” Lilian smilled back, taking the older woman to get a drink at the side, where they could converse out of the way of their loud and happy relatives “I'm so glad you were able to come! With the Longbottons going into hiding and the rest of the Order on almost permanent duty… Well, I guess things are just feeling much quieter this year.”

“I understand, dear” her friend said in a kind tone, sipping at a warm cup of eggnog “It is always good to remember we have something good to celebrate”.

“I suppose that’s it, yes” the redhead agreed, looking over at her husband and son with vailed worry.

“I heard you decided to invite him”.

Lilian turned at her, not entirely surprised by the change of subject. Sirius had been on edge for almost a week now only thinking about sharing the night with Pettigrew. That was also the reason why they had put any discussion about the Fidelius charm on hold until after the year’s end celebrations.

“Yes, we… _I_ though it would be better – for appearances sake, if nothing else. We don’t want to alert You-Know-Who earlier than necessary.” She explained “Besides, he is on Order duty today, so we can expect him to be late this evening.”

“It is good, then” Andromeda concurred, her face descending into a serious mask “We can only pray everything will be over by this time next year.”

“Yes… Yes, I suppose that is all we can do now.”

–

“Love” James called some time latter, when she was engrossed on a debate with Andromeda about the multiple properties concerning the use of fairy tears for healing “Your cousin has just flooed here. She is waiting on the next room”.

Lilian blinked at him, the conversation completely forgotten as she stared dumbfounded at his hesitant brown eyes. She had been absolutely certain that her cousin would not come tonight – so much so that her invitation had only been a formality, a hope for the young woman to leave her home and let them help her.

“I though she wouldn’t come” she admitted lowly, so that only could hear as they started to the adjacent room.

“I remember you mentioned once she has been having some difficulty stabilizing her daughter’s magical core…." James disagreed with a thoughtful expression “She must be exhausted… And maybe in want of some company that can communicate what they want using actual words.” he joked, sending her a mischievous grin.

Lily hummed, dropping her head on her husband’s shoulder for a moment.

“It would be so much easier if she would just tell us who the father is...”

“She will. Eventually. Lil’s... You know Eleanore, she is a bit stubborn, but always comes around.”

“After thinking everything through _ad_ _exhaustion_ ” Lilian mumbled.

“Like the good Heavenclaw that she is” James agreed, sending her a small wink before they separated and entered the room.

In front of the fireplace, using a mix of Muggle and wizards clothes, stood a small woman with long, brown hair and a heart shaped face. Her fair skin and green eyes reminded James so much of a brunette version of Lilian that he always found it hard to believe the two of them were not actual sisters.

“Ellie!” Lilian exhaled, gripping the woman into a tight hug.

“Lily!” Eleanore sighed, her shoulders slumping at the familiar closeness with her cousin.

They probably took longer then was fashionable to separate from each other, and even that only happened when her child started fussing, her mass of wild, curly brown hair tickling the two apart.

“Oh, and how is our dear Minnie today?” Lilian gushed at the child, playing with a finger on her chubby face.

Eleanore sighed, the stress and tiredness visible on the dark bags under her eyes.

“She’s been restless” the young mother admitted “you had warned me about she possibly Inheriting her father’s family magic, but I didn’t think… Didn’t want to believe it, really, not when everything looked so normal at the beginning.”

James, that had been forgotten near the arch entryway, lifted a single eyebrow at her words.

Family magic... so the father was at least a half blood from an old family. First and second generation muggleborns didn’t have family magic, their lines weren’t old or strong enough yet to gather the amount of magic necessary to create it. Even some pure bloods, ancient as they were, didn’t have magic strong enough to pass it off if their child had a Muggle or Muggle born parent. New magic tended to be stronger, brighter and more flexible in some ways. Old family magic, on the other hand, might be more focused and have better results in particular fields, but it also came with a package full of kirks and particularities.

To know that his 'niece’s' father had family magic strong enough to go over Eleanore’s... He could think of few families able to do it. Not even Harry had as of yet shown signs of inheriting the Potter family magic.

“James?”

James looked up, finally realizing that his wife must’ve been trying to talk to him for a while now.

“Oh, I’m sorry Love” he apologized, walking to the two girls “Ellie, it’s been a long time”

“Hullo, James!”.

He was beginning to detangle himself from her when he felt small fingers tugging at his glasses. Apparently, Harry wasn’t the only one with fast fingers.

“Oh, and who we have here?” He asked gently, taking the little girl into his arms “look at this little princess! You’re so big! How long has it been since I saw you?!”

The child giggled happily, her brown eyes sparkling as she tried once again to grab at his glasses.

“Oh, no no, or else uncle will be as blind as uncle Berty’s owl.” He chided gently, before adjusting the toddler better on the crook of his arm before almost skipping back to the living room, where she could overhear something about toy brooms and quidditch rugs.

Lily rolled her eyes at their antics, but couldn’t help the smile as the three of them walked to join the others on the living room.

________________________

_Pettigrew Manor_

The flow room was enveloped in darkness as a small, choking little flame tried to resist the coldness of the decrepit, stone walls of the manor.

Through the thin, disintegrating curtains, Peter could see the familiar pieces of wood sealing the windows, letting only a few wisps os the cold, winter wind into the place.

The furniture, once vibrant and fashionable, seemed to have descended into a depressing grey hue, every surface hidden under a considerably large amount of dirt and dust. He didn’t remember when the house elves ha left – everything happened so long ago, anyway, it would change nothing keep dwelling on his memories.

Still, the memories remained.

His mother’s illness. His father’s increasingly despondent mood. The debts, the drinking, the decaying of his family’s legacy.

No-one had known, of course.

No-one asked young Peter why he decided to spend almost every vacation at Hogwarts after their third year. None of his teachers questioned his grades falling or his increasing difficulty in handing over his papers and projects.

He was just Peter, anyway. Ordinary, relativity smart Peter.

He still remember Sirius first words when they had finally managed to turn into animagus during their school years.

“A rat hum? Quite appropriate, I’d say”

James had laughed, of course. It was just a joke between friends, no harm done. Peter didn’t remember Remus’s reaction, but to be fair, he was always the stoic, aloof one.

On paper they were the four marauders, but in truth, Peter was more like the baggage they dragged around – the comic relief when conversations turned too serious. And yet, he had never minded exactly. Being a Marauder gave him a dose of respect from the other students that he admitted to liking way too much.

And then the Dark Lord had risen to power. Everything changed after that.

Dumbledore was almost paranoid with his secrets, playing favorites with his order of brash, foolhardy teenagers barely out of Hogwarts as they tried to defeat a much bigger, more organized and powerful opponent.

Now, even his name felt dangerous – almost sacred. As if skirting it would save any of them.

Peter might be a coward, but he wasn’t stupid. He could see quite clearly where were the better odds, and being in the position of knowing everything that happened inside the Order was something he knew could be useful eventually.

There was no love lost between them. No regrets, no cherished memories or debts left to pay.

Peter had always been a survivor. He could adapt, find his best options and make himself useful.

He was better than his weak, decrepit father – being a light wizard hadn’t saved them from destitution, nor had it given Peter anything but a broken home and a place at the side lines.

Looking up at the tainted, broken mirror hanging precariously over the mantelpiece, Peter watched the distorted reflection of his cold face, going over the familiar small eyes, the curly hair, small frame and fat figure.

“ _A rat, hum? Quite appropriate_ ”.

Sirius words rung once more on his ears, making his hands close in tight fists as he reached for the floor powder near the fireplace.

He would show them. He would finally show how the _stupid and ordinary_ he really was.

“Marry Christmas, Peter” he whispered darkly to his reflexion – a silent promise of payment to those that had taken from him even his pride.

With a last look over the old, destroyed manor, he threw the cinder-colored powder into the hearth, stepping inside the green flames before calling out the address – maybe for the last time.

“ _Potter Manor._ ”

________________________

_Chateau Rosier_

Through the large windows of the scarcely decorated living room, Lucius watched as snow continued to fall over the large grounds surrounding the construction. The grass was still visible under a thin layer of white, crusted pieces of water that had been accumulating nonstop since the night before on the floor.

From all the aspects, it was a beautiful Christmas night – with the benefits of being able to squirt his father’s toxic presence for a couple more hours.

Yet, he couldn’t help feeling helpless.

“I suppose after the New Year celebrations are over, I will have to go back to England” Narcisa broke the silence between them, her voice gentle, not much higher than a whisper so as not to wake the sleeping baby on her arms.

“You know it is the right decision, Narcissa” he reminded her, still looking out of the window.

“Yes, of course I know, Lucius” she agreed, trying to lessen the bite she could feel on her words “It doesn’t follow that I have to like it.”

Lucius finally turned from the falling snow, his eyes resting on the strong, almost defiance face of his wife – If it wasn’t for the distress he could still see on the slight shaking of her hands and her own blue eyes.

Sighing, he joined her on the seat, watching as his son fussed with the thin blankets on his sleep.

“It will not be for long, love” he whispered soothingly, brushing a single finger over the kid’s almost white hair “We will bring him home.”

“I know, but when?” She retorted, avoiding his eyes so that he could not see the pain and judgement in them “It's been years, Lucius… You said it yourself, this life, there is no quitting being Inner Circle.”.

“Cissa…”

“No. Listen” the blond woman stopped him, turning so that they could stare easily at each other “I can’t keep going like this… I want my husband back. I want the man that would look down at me his entire fifth year and then would secretly send letters and chocolate to my room so that his best friend would not know he liked his little sister. I didn’t marry a Death Eater, doesn’t matter if this… _this thing_ in your arm says otherwise.”

“Narcissa…”

But she didn’t let him continue. She simply couldn't. Narcissa Black had been taught since very young that a witch of respectful family was pleasant to look ad mindful of her words. They didn’t sound opinionated or self-centered. They could think or rant or fight with their minds, but never with words. Those, her mother used to say, should be rare and far between.

As Narcisa Malfoy, the young bride had automatically understood what was expected of her: to be a beautiful, pliant accessory on the arm of her husband. To endure, to understand, and to give support when needed. It was the woman the society pages and pureblood families knew.

It wasn’t who she was. Narcissa knew she was a powerful witch on her own. She had the knowledge and the strength to be able to cut ties with both her family and her husband if she so desired. Even though she didn’t condone what her elder sister had done, mainly as it was to run away with a muggleborn, she couldn’t deny that there was a certain appeal to Andromeda’s actions.

But she loved Lucius. Even though her marriage had been a business transaction to most of the involved parties, she knew the feelings between her and her husband were true. So she had endured. She had been silent and understanding as he came back home stinking of blood and unforgivables. She didn’t question every night he would seek closeness the only way they could still find to connect to each other. Narcissa knew, as well, that had things been different, she would kept silent until everything was over.

But now she had Draco to consider too. She had a son to look after and, it didn’t matter how much she still loved and cared for Lucius, Draco was a part of her she would never be able to forsake. The child had yet to say his first words, to walk his first step, but he already carried her entire heart onto his little, chubby fingers.

And she would have to leave him behind. Because of who his father was, because of the decisions their families made… Her only child could end up paying for all of their mistakes. At that moment, she couldn’t be quiet and understanding anymore. She couldn’t hold in the words. And once the first ones had left her mouth, it as like a dam finally broke and everything simply went tumbling down. It was frustrating and liberating on equal measures.

Lucius probably knew too that she needed that moment, so he only sat there and listened, absorbing all the uncertainty, pain and sadness he could feel pouring out alongside the words. At the end, he just extended a hand, brushing away a single tear that had escaped her usually tight control as the silence hung heavily between them.

“I always knew I didn’t deserve you” he whispered eventually, brushing a few errand strands of hair from her face as she rested against his shoulder “When… When we exchanged vows, I promised myself I wouldn’t let you suffer. I wanted the only tears to leave your eyes to be ones of joy.”

Narcissa breathed deeply, trying to control the urge to sniff or do something equally embarrassing at his silent confession.

“It kills me to see your suffering. I fell even more knowing I am incapable of stopping it. But it will not be long” he promised, a finger still held on the tight grip of his slumbering son “I promise you it will not be long… We will give Draco a better life than being the son of a slave to a crazed half-blood.”

“We will survive this” she whispered, not knowing whether it was a compromise or a prayer.

“We will.” He agreed, bending down to place a long, tender kiss agains her forehead “Happy Christmas, love.”

“Happy Christmas.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is a late Christmas chapter that has been on my mind for a while, and I just felt it had a few beautiful moments that were worth being put to paper. Also, I wanted to give a possible insight on Peter's background and his betrayal.
> 
> I hope you guys have had a wonderful Christmas, and wish all of you a Happy New Year!!
> 
> Until 2020!


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